Dating

“Dating” can be a confusing word. This is because it can mean either going on dates with different people, or it can mean you are exclusively with one person. Dating has a huge impact on marriages and how successful they are. When people start out, they go on a date or two, decide they like each other enough to date, then all of a sudden, they are together 24/7 and never actually go on dates. Elder Dallin H. Oaks said that a date should be “planned, paid for, and paired off”. When the conscious effort if made to continue go on dates with your significant other, there is a lot to learn. You are able to see how they make decisions, what they enjoy doing, how they interact in different situations, and how they treat others. You will have many shared experiences with is part of the formula to get to know someone. This formula includes togetherness, which is those shared experiences. Talk, which is mutual self-disclosure and thoughts/feelings. And finally, time, it takes at least 3 months to START to get to know someone. When you add up togetherness, talk, and time, you are on the path to a more successful dating life and marriage.

Now let’s talk about length of dating. When people date for over 2 years the successful marriage rate decreases significantly. This can also be seen in cohabitation. Habits are formed when you are together, but do not have a formal commitment. In cohabitation oftentimes the couple is still living their separate life but try to bring it together. They have separate bank accounts, each go to work each day, and since there is no formal commitment the chances of cheating go up, which also raises the chances of affairs happening once they get married. When couples do not cohabitate before marriage, there is a formal commitment and a secure knot is tied. They are now one and can go forward with a strong desire to get to know the person more since they are now married and have made a huge step in the relationship.

Studies have found that people who marry in their 20s have more successful marriages than later in life. This makes sense because in your 20s your brain is still developing. If you marry while your brain continues to develop your brain will be more responsive to changes your spouse may desire or decisions, you have to make together can be more easily decided because you are not completely set in your own ways yet. There are steps to a relationship that must be followed, and it turns out better in the long run if they are clearly defined. They are; dating, courtship, engagement, and marriage. Many people slide from one step to another, but this will cause problems. If you are dating but decide you really like them and want to court them without telling them, they will be majorly surprised when all of a sudden you are talking about marriage

In our culture it is not often that arranged marriages take place, which makes us think it is a crazy idea and that it will never work. The truth is, people who are raised in a culture where arranged marriages are a thing, are not opposed to it. They are the ones who go to their parents when they decide it’s time and ask for an arranged marriage. What we don’t think about is that it is not random at all like we think it is. They usually know each other already and their families know each other. They are ready to commit. Which is really what marriage is about. The butterflies will fade, the attractiveness won’t be as overwhelming, and you have to decide marriage is worth it. In an arranged marriage they decide they want to be married and they are often very happy and satisfied in their marriage. In reality, even in our culture our 5 closest friends can usually predict the outcome of our marriages, so having their parents choose their partner isn’t so crazy after all.