There are many things that can happen at any time that would lead to a family crisis. Let’s talk about stress. We always talk about stress in a negative light, but in reality, it is what gives pressure. We have to have stress on our bodies in order for our bones to stay strong and sturdy. Those who go to space. They lose strength and their bodies are usually harmed forever due to there not being enough STRESS on their bodies. We need it. What about stressor events? These are pressure causing events. This could be any number of things but something bad could happen in your family, maybe a child died. This would be a stressor event. This can be handled in different ways, crisis can lead to a long road of unhappiness and families torn apart, or it can lead to great growth.
We hear about fight or flight responses and know that that is our natural response to stressful situations. We don’t often talk about the thing that actually usually happens in these situations and that’s freeze. When a child dies, there is no response to fight, there is no response to flight, but there is a response of shock and that is when we freeze. This can be okay in some situations. It takes time to grieve. But what happens after that initial grieving period is over is crucial. The families that are able to keep their family structures intact tend to bounce back after a crisis.
There are families that bounce back, bounce back kind of, don’t bounce back at all, and those that bounce back better than before. I think It’s safe to say that we all want to take an event that has caused crisis in our lives and bounce back better than before. This will only happen when the effort is there. Parents could begin the blame game. Either blaming themselves or the other for this tragic event. This can ruin marriages. It is true that many people get divorced within 2 years of a child dying. This is because the family structure is changed. If family structure is to remain intact, they would be able to see the situation as it really was and to bounce back better than ever.
A really great tool to use in crisis situations is called the Daily Mood Log. This can be found online and truly digs deeper. You are to circle the feelings you have, how much you believe it’s true, and the thoughts you are having. Once you have filled out that section you look for the cognitive distortions that are happening in your brain. You are able to write down on paper what your brain is really going through. It is cool to watch as someone recognizes that many of the cognitive distortions apply when they are going through something so tragic. Once you realize that there is more to it than just negative emotions and feelings, people are able to see things as they really are. The last part of the Daily Mood Log is to write down positive thoughts. This can be tricky at first but when you can change the way you are thinking to something positive it lifts so much of the burden and you are finally free to heal and grow from this crisis.
There are a wide variety of family crisis that happen, and child death is at the top of the charts which is why I used it as an example. Something in your life may be way smaller but be having a huge impact on your life. I recommend trying the Daily Mood Log and see how it can literally change your thoughts in a week.
Best of Family Relations 