Let’s talk about boundaries! What do you think of when you hear the word boundaries? If you just google the word It says, “a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.” I like this definition because it can be applied to so many aspects of life. There are boundaries in sports, you cannot cross the line, or you will be penalized. So, how does this relate to families? I want to focus on Salvador Minuchin and how he was able to show boundaries on paper. He came up with the mapping system and is used to indicate how families relate. I’m going to list them, then we’ll dive deeper into a few that stand out to me.

We have Rigid boundaries that show little exchange of information (solid line). We have Clear boundaries that are appropriate amounts of exchange of information (dashed line). Next is Poor boundaries that suggest boundaries are violated (dotted line). Affiliation is involvement between individuals (parallel lines). Over involvement is too much exchange of information (3 parallel lines). Detouring is responding to others through someone else. These are so interesting to think about because you can probably think of examples in your own live, whether with friends or family, that fall right into each of these categories.

The ones I want to focus on the most today are Rigid boundaries, Poor boundaries, and clear boundaries. Rigid boundaries are closed. There is not a lot of communication. There is a wall up and nobody is able to get close to them. People who tend to hold up these boundaries are those who have had experiences that have shaped them to be this way. Whether they have experienced abuse of any kind, have had negative interactions with people close to them, or any demeaning negative interactions at all will cause them to close off and not want to allow anyone in. In class my teacher illustrated a house. The house is surrounded by cinderblocks with barbed wire at the top. Are the people inside just really mean and don’t want to be bothered? Probably not. The people inside have probably experienced a break in or something tragic happen in or around their home. Now they are more cautious and are just living in a way to protect themselves from further harm.

Poor boundaries are when boundaries are easily violated. This is the opposite of the rigid boundaries we just talked about. This tends to happen in families that are overly involved. When parents and children are pretty much equal. The children are not living with structure, they are living in a place where they rule the house. Having a family that is too loose, is just the same as having a family that is too rigid. Either children are never allowed out of the house, or the children are free to do whatever, whenever they want. When thinking back to the house example, this house would have no fence up at all. There would be pathways through the yard as people are free to walk in and out of their house at their own pleasure. The children in these households are being raised in a way that will not teach them respect or discipline.

The final one I want to discuss is the Clear boundaries, also known as permeable boundaries. This is the appropriate and healthy amount of exchange of information. This is when parents are the ones with the authority, but do not abuse their power to harm the children in any way. Communicating the wants and needs of each individual is necessary. This house would be the cute house on the block with a cute picket fence. A fence that is short enough to see over. People will talk to you over the fence and not feel pushed away, but they will not come through the little gate unless they have been invited in by the owner.

I think these are great ideas to really think about. We might be able to think of relationships in our lives that have closed boundaries and there might be some that have poor, but I hope that we can all strive to have clear boundaries. This will save friendships, extended families, marriages, and even relationships with your own children.

As you probably already know, The Baby Boom occurred right after World War II. The men were coming home proud of their accomplishments and this led to celebration. The Baby Boom was happening all over except in Japan where they had just been defeated, therefore not quite as celebratory. Over the next few years wives were having children rapidly, or at least that is what we have always been told. In reality women were having on average 3.7 children. I was shocked when I heard this number because I guess I assumed each woman was having at least 6 kids!

A man named Bob Ehrlich, grew concerned that population rates were increasing so rapidly. He decided to write a book about his thoughts. The book titled “The Population Bomb”, focused on how the population was going to blow up! He predicted mass starvation by the mid 70’s because of how many people there would be and not enough resources to accommodate everyone. He predicted no oil, air, or water. These were predictions based off of the time he spent in India. This is one of those times when someone writes about something they believe, without much to back them up, and they end up getting to everyone because they think what he is writing about is accurate. I like to relate it to the time someone decided to link vaccinations to autism… literally no proof. People took this book to heart and became scared to have too many children. They did not want to be the ones that were contributing the world running out of everything!

Well, as I’m sure you can see the world is doing just fine with water, food, air, and oil. But there are definitely not many children being born. As the number of children being born decreases it makes us look to a few other factors that are contributing to that, other than “The Population Bomb” scaring everyone to death.  

A few of the things that have an impact include some trends that seem normal these days, but when there were a lot of children being born these things were not as common. Premarital sex, cohabitation, older average age people are marrying, moms being employed, living alone, divorce rates increased, and age of moms increased. As you can probably imagine, these things all can have an impact on the number of children being born. For example; premarital sex can lead to unwanted pregnancies being terminated, later leading to trouble getting pregnant. Cohabitation can put equal stress on each person to pay their share of the living expenses, making children not a priority. Older average age of people getting married can make it harder to get pregnant because they are past the age of becoming pregnant, or they are already so fixed in their careers a child would hinder that. There are many factors as to why the fertility rates are decreasing.

I think this is so sad. There are many benefits to having children, and in order for us to even function when we get older, we need to have raised children who will also raise children. We will get to a time in our life when we will depend on younger generations. If there are no younger generations the average age of people living will begin to go back down. We have come so far in the world and to not bring children into this beautiful world is sad. We have been asked to multiply and replenish the earth. Yes, it may seem difficult to us when we want a big house or a new car to imagine bringing a child into the world who will take up so much time, energy, and money. That is just selfish thinking. We were literally sent here to learn and to raise children. If we are not fulfilling this, I would not feel like I had accomplished anything. I do not have children yet, but I am excited for the day I do. I would love to have as many children as God has planned and will do whatever it takes to raise righteous children even when the world can feel so wicked at times. This is our calling!